A Practical Path to Peace
I remembered what I am, and peace followed.
I’m the kind of person who likes everything to be organized. I keep things tidy, prefer a structured day, and thrive on clarity and practicality.
And then I was thrown into the world of spirituality.
As I struggled to make sense of a vast range of concepts with conflicting and overlapping terms and definitions, I vowed to make Lightworker a highly practical book that would be easy for anyone (spiritual or not) to follow. Since publication, however, it seems that despite my best efforts, the steps that led to my breakthrough are still difficult to understand.
Looking back, I can see why. I was trying to put words around an experience that was almost impossible to describe. So, I created this blog post to clarify concepts and emphasize the sequence of mindset changes that led to a permanent shift in consciousness.
Although acceptance, surrender, and forgiveness came in quick succession, perhaps the order matters.
Acceptance was not where I began.
Surrender came first.
Before I could accept a belief that was new to me, I had to surrender my ego by breaking the attachment to an old belief - a darkly destructive story I had been telling myself about who I was and what had happened to me. I also needed to take full responsibility for my thoughts and feelings and drop the habit of blame. Sadly, my ‘victim story’ had become the absolute truth of who I was, to the extent that I was addicted to the belief that I didn’t matter.
The very thought of surrendering this belief was unimaginable. I couldn’t do it by myself.
That’s where Choose Again came in. Step 5 of their self-healing process is to forgive yourself for the mistaken belief that is causing your pain. This forgiveness exercise is described in Lightworker, so I won’t repeat the full account here. Essentially, I was guided by a facilitator to say,
“I forgive myself for believing that I do not matter.”
But, how could I forgive myself for believing something that was true? The resistance was powerful. My throat constricted, and my whole body shook as tears poured down my face. It took all my strength to force the forgiveness affirmation from my body, but my monster of an ego did not go down quietly. Supported by a circle of strangers, I mentally told my ego to (ahem) back off, and chose instead to protect and defend a tiny light within my heart. I got through it successfully, but Step 5 was one of the most emotionally wrenching things I’ve ever done.
Even though it felt like I had defeated a monster, I believe profound change was sparked simply by swapping a negative belief for a positive one.
At the time, I was unaware of Einstein’s Law, “Energy cannot be destroyed, only changed.” Despite an ignorance of all things scientific and spiritual, in the midst of the battle I had somehow managed to replace a poisonous core belief with a belief that had just been introduced to me - that I am a being of Divine (Unconditional) Love. Even though I didn’t quite believe it yet, the willingness - to see Love in my heart as a small candle, believe that this light was me, and then defend this light as if my life depended on it - must have been enough to break the attachment I had to my ego.
In the wake of this surrender, something unexpected appeared.
Hope.
It was only a glimmer at first. But it was enough for me to entertain a possibility that seemed like pure fantasy at the time:
“What if I actually do embody the energy of Love?”
As hope began to take root, my entire perspective shifted. If I am Love, then none of the negative beliefs can be true. Maybe I’ve been wrong about everything. Maybe I DO matter. What if everything that had happened - including the really painful parts - had somehow brought me exactly where I needed to be? What if everything - all my relationships and life events including the darkest moments of loss, betrayal, illness, and loneliness - had been part of a journey that allowed me to finally wake up and remember my true Self?
I didn't have to pretend that painful experiences weren't painful. I simply began to see my life differently and accept that everything had happened for a reason.
And that changed everything.
Acceptance opened the door to forgiveness.
I understand how the next part of my experience might be confusing. Although I did force a forgiveness in Step 5, my efforts were empowered by a group of people who were all working in the energy of Love to help me leave a pattern of judgement and blame in the past. I’ve since learned that forgiveness cannot be forced through a mind that harbours grievances and resentment. Forgiveness arises naturally from the heart through acceptance and understanding.
When I began to see my past from a higher perspective and accept life events as a series of lessons, the need to blame disappeared along with any and all grievances. I could look at myself and the people who had hurt me without judgement. No one was hurting me…every relationship was meant to help me find my way back to my Self.
As forgiveness rose up, peace flooded in.
Not because my past had changed. It hadn’t. Not because daily responsibilities and challenges were no longer there. They were. But because my understanding had shifted. I could now accept that, no matter how painful, every relationship held an important life lesson for me to learn. Seeing those who had hurt me as those who had helped me was a major breakthrough. I was no longer fighting against - or protecting myself from - everything and everyone. I didn’t have to be afraid anymore.
That was the moment of transformation. The fear was gone. The pain was gone. And I was free.
A celebration was happening - I could almost hear champagne corks popping - as if there was some celestial team cheering for my awakening! I knew in that moment that I had never been alone. Signposts from Spirit, that I’d missed entirely, were now clear to me - scattered throughout my life as obviously as puzzle pieces.
As I acknowledged celestial help with tears of gratitude and remorse for not seeing them sooner, a door opened. Enveloped by feelings of warmth, comfort, relief and safety, there was no doubt that I had come home.
And then I remembered who I am.
This is where the spiritual heart of my experience may be difficult to accept.
I didn't just assimilate a new way of thinking. I lived through what I can only describe as an out-of-body experience. As all former boundaries of self dissolved, there was an awareness of joy, peace and Love intermingled with indescribably glorious energies of light and Love. There were no human senses. Just an awareness of being at one with all that exists - an inner knowing (gnosis) that we are all interconnected with Source by the highest vibration of energy that exists.
We are beings of Divine Love walking around in human bodies. This concept probably sounds like pure science fiction to you. But it was (and still is) more true to me than anything else I have ever experienced in my life.
The shift felt less like acquiring something new and more like remembering something that had always been there. I don't believe I became something I wasn't. I remembered something I had forgotten. And that ‘remembering’ changed my relationship with myself, with other people, and with life itself.
This is the part I most want to clarify: I am not suggesting that we can simply tell ourselves to stop judging people, stop blaming others, stop needing validation, or be more loving. If only it were that easy. I spent decades striving to be the kind of person who was worthy of love, desperately searching for happiness from somewhere outside myself.
It didn't work.
The shift came through surrender.
Once I surrendered the ego's grip, the things I had struggled so hard to change began to fall away naturally.
The need for validation ended.
My identification with victimhood disappeared.
Judgement lost its grip, and blame became irrelevant.
Dark thoughts (shame, fear, depression, resentment) were gone because the negative belief was gone.
Desire for acquisition of material “stuff” just vanished.
Forgiveness emerged and peace became possible. I didn't force those things to happen. They happened as a consequence of surrender.
So what does Love have to do with Peace?
Everything. Love is the key to peace.
If my understanding of the shift is correct, then Love isn't only an emotion we feel. It is the energy that powers consciousness.
I believe that each of us is an expression of the same Source energy - Divine Love.
And, perhaps human suffering is so prevalent precisely because we have forgotten this connection. We become so identified with our individuality (the ego), that we forget an energy that remains constant despite an apparent separation from Source. To make matters worse, we are faced with a history of global suffering and are confronted daily by ongoing conflict, chaos, trauma, and fear.
We forget that we matter.
We forget that Love matters.
We forget that we are all connected.
And perhaps awakening is, at least in part, the process of remembering.
Because my shift happened so quickly and so completely, I couldn't keep the experience to myself. I had to write it down. I had to try to make sense of it. And ultimately, I had to share it with you.
What I know now is that the sequence matters:
Surrender came first: I surrendered to the idea that I had a victim mindset, dropped the habit of blame, and took full responsibility for my thoughts and feelings. I surrendered the ego along with the story that had kept me trapped.
Then came a glimmer of hope: The possibility that I might embody Love opened a door to my Self.
Then came acceptance and forgiveness: Accepting that life is a gift of lessons, and that everything happened perfectly (so I could wake up and remember my soul), brought me clarity and understanding. Forgiveness of myself allowed me to release decades of suffering. Forgiveness of those who had ‘hurt’ me set me free.
Acknowledgement of, and gratitude for, assistance from higher powers opened the door to Divine connection.
And then came peace.
Not manufactured; not forced. Remembered.
I don't know what you will make of my experience. You don't have to believe what I believe.
But if you've spent years trying to fill an emptiness, fix a sense of brokenness, trying to stop judging or blaming, trying to become worthy, or trying to find happiness outside yourself, rest assured - there is another way.
You don't need to become something new, or read a thousand books, meditate every day, or spend hundreds of dollars on retreats - although, you can if you want to. 🙂
Consider, instead, something practical, simple, and clear: There is something within you that has simply been forgotten.
What if you are Love?
That question changed my life.
Perhaps it could change yours, too.
D 🩵
