Who Am I? The Question That Changed My Life

“The single most important thing that will determine your future is your sense of who you are.”

(quote by Dr. Alok Kanojia in conversation with Steven Bartlett)

‍ ‍https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1ALkQMfkjc&t=9335s

Questioning, and then remembering, the truth of who I am was the key to my transformation. It reshaped my destiny.

But for me, this remembrance of “Self” went far beyond the mind.

For years, I believed, deep down in my heart, that I didn’t matter. This belief drove everything - my thoughts, my choices, my actions, and ultimately, my life. The belief that I was unseen and unloved - that no one would even care if I lived or died - became the truth of my very existence. A truth reinforced by trauma, betrayals, challenging relationships, health issues and overwhelming responsibilities.

When I surpassed my capacity for suffering, I knew I had to change or die.

And, just when I thought my path had come to an end, I was presented with a way forward.

I was shown a different way of thinking - a possibility that everything I had believed to be true might actually have been a mistake. And, further, that “who I am” might be an embodiment of unconditional Love.

I didn't believe it immediately, but I was willing to consider it. Why not?

What if I am an embodiment of Unconditional Love?

As this new idea found its way through the darkness of my mind, a tiny spark flared in my heart. I sensed a rightness in this new possibility. Even the willingness to consider it sparked the beginnings of change. As my heart began to expand with hope, the old belief began to loosen its grip. And, as decades of pain and confusion fell away, I recall a feeling of spaciousness where my ego had once been.

Was this openness in the mind or the heart?

I'd spent decades trying to “think positive thoughts” - literally striving toward happiness - but came to accept that this approach doesn't work.

Changing your thoughts rarely changes your deepest beliefs.

So, the openness must have happened in the heart.

Because, when the negative belief was gone, the dark thoughts were also gone. In the space that remained, I had room to accept a powerful new belief - that I am an embodiment of Unconditional Love.

And suddenly, the question “Who am I?” had a completely different answer.

Although the idea was new to me, the belief that we embody the energy of Love isn’t actually new. Versions of it appear throughout spiritual teachings and traditions, and is echoed in works such as the Choose Again philosophy and A Course in Miracles. The premise, as I understand it, is simple: If our true essence is Love, then the thoughts that tell us we are unworthy, broken, or unlovable cannot also be true. Negative thoughts are learned, conditioned and constructed through experience, fear, and the stories we tell ourselves.

These stories form the ego - an identity so powerful that we forget who we are in truth.

Believing the ego (mind) and forgetting the Self (heart) is no one’s fault. In my case, these mistaken beliefs were formed early in childhood as I tried to make sense of the world around me. Thankfully, we have the power to correct these mistaken beliefs. We can choose to question what we have believed to be true. We can turn inward, surrender what no longer serves us, and begin to remember who we are beneath the conditioning.

For me, there is no doubt that self-love plays a huge role in the decision to go within.

Self-love can sometimes be misunderstood as selfish or narcissistic. I believe the opposite to be true. Self-love means having compassion for the inner child. It’s about giving yourself the time to examine mistaken beliefs and having the courage to question stories you believe to be absolutely true. It is about surrendering everything that is untrue to your soul and forgiving the inner child for creating the mistaken belief in the first place. For me, forgiveness created space for a depth of Love I had never known. Recognition of this glorious energy as my Self and soul opened the door to lasting inner peace.

When you do the work to surrender your ego and forgive your inner child, it becomes clear that the person you thought you were is not who you are at all.

So, who are you?

I can't answer that question for you.

But I can tell you what happened when I finally began asking it honestly.

I discovered that the identity I had spent decades defending wasn't the whole truth. I discovered that beneath the stories of my past was something I had almost completely forgotten: Love.‍ ‍

And that discovery changed my life.

Taking time to understand yourself is anything but narcissism, it’s necessary. Introspection is fundamental to our overall well-being and is what we are meant to be doing with our lives.

The most important question you may ever ask yourself is simply…

Who am I?

D 🩵