How to Recognize the Ego
Before you can recognize something, you need to understand what it is.
This concept was so relevant to my breakthrough that I dedicated the first two pages of Lightworker to “Definitions,” hoping to clarify a handful of spiritual terms used in the book, including ego, Self, and soul.
The ego, in particular, was terribly difficult for me to wrap my head around, as it is not what I always thought it to be - a derogatory term used to describe someone with an overinflated sense of self.
Even after my shift, I struggled to form a comprehensive definition of the word. Instinctively, I knew that my ego was the source of my suffering - a highly destructive inner critic blocking me from my Self and my soul - but I needed to land on an explanation that could be easily understood from a logical and practical point of view.
So, I cast a wide net, gleaned information from multiple sources, and distilled it down to concepts from Choose Again, Gary Zukav, Eckhart Tolle, and Wayne Dyer.
Definitions of the ego:
Choose Again - A set of mistaken beliefs; lowercase “s” self
Gary Zukav - Your personality, and the part of you that is mortal
Eckhart Tolle - Complete identification with a stream of thinking; absence of awareness
Wayne Dyer described the ego as a set of ideas, thoughts, or beliefs:
I am what I have (clothes, house, car, money, status - aka “stuff”)
I am what I do (career, athlete, artist, student, parent, spouse, etc.)
I am what other people think of me (my reputation)
I am better than or separate from everybody else (different beliefs, looks, language, culture, etc.)
I am separate from what’s missing in my life (so many needs)
I am separate from God/Divine Source/Universal Power (lack of faith)
Wayne Dyer’s first three points fit my unawakened state of mind perfectly. The next three points were the ones that dragged me into the Dark Night of the Soul.
In the spring of 2018, a series of losses exacerbated pre-existing feelings of separation and, because my inner critic/ego was telling me no one cared, I pushed everyone out of my life and wallowed in a self-involved state of victimhood and blame. Suffocating under layers of trauma and betrayal and feeling completely worthless and alone, my ego morphed into the monster that nearly killed me.
It was through this darkness that I began to understand the ego more clearly than any definition could explain.
In the simplest terms, the ego is your self-concept and personal history; a barrier that prevents you from remembering your true Self. It is the voice that convinces us we are independent - separate - from ourselves, from others, and from Source Energy.
Depending on your personal history and beliefs, your ego may be less of a monster and more of a basic operating system, like the engine of a car. The most important question you can ever ask yourself is: “Who is driving?”
The fastest way to recognize your ego is by paying close attention to your thoughts and feelings.
When you find yourself thinking or saying, for example, “That makes me mad,” or “You make me happy,” you may be able to see that you are outsourcing your feelings. By reacting, falling into the habit of blame, or attributing your happiness to someone or something outside of yourself, your mind is calling the shots and essentially driving your car without your awareness. You are operating on autopilot, and your ego is in control.
The next time you feel triggered, try this small experiment. Pause, take a deep breath, and change your grammar:
“I feel mad because…” (or) “I feel happy because…”
This small tweak will change your life. By resisting the urge to react and by taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, you give yourself the opportunity to respond from a position of wisdom - heart and mind working in tandem.
With practice, your higher Self can regain the wheel, relegating the ego to the back seat.
By consistently choosing to respond from the energy of Love (the heart) instead of reacting from fear (the ego/mind), you enable self-actualization and enter a state of wholeness in which inner peace, joy, and wellness bloom naturally.
You may even begin to understand that anything that triggers a feeling is trying to help you. Feelings shine a light on your ego, so you can recognize it for what it is: a driver, an endless stream of thinking, an absence of awareness, an inner critic, a negative core belief, a brick wall, or a monster - any or all of which may be blocking you from your higher Self and soul.
Once you recognize the ego, you can harness it, break through it, or fight it.
So, grab your sword of truth and step into the ring.
You’ve got this.
D 🩵
