Forgiveness and the Inner Child

What I discovered when I stopped blaming myself

“What makes us unable to forgive, is how much our mind is tormented by hurt, anger and resentment. Even if what’s causing our pain happened years, or even decades ago, that emotion still feels fresh, because it is locked into the mind.” (Gelong Thubten)

Until my shift, I didn't understand forgiveness.

Forgiving people who had betrayed me seemed like weakness. Why would I give power to someone who had caused me pain?

But eventually, I began to see resentment and forgiveness differently.

From a human perspective, resentment is often described as drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness doesn't mean tolerating unacceptable behaviour or allowing someone to hurt you again. You can set boundaries, walk away, and still let go of resentment.

Forgiveness is not for them. It's for you.

But my experience of forgiveness went deeper still. Pain was locked, not just in my mind, but in my heart.

I had spent decades believing that I didn't matter. A belief that shaped the truth of how I saw myself, other people, and the world. It created fear, resentment, blame and, ultimately, a victim identity.

 It wasn’t until after my shift that I begin to understand where that belief had come from.

The Inner Child

We all begin life dependent on others - to feel safe, seen, understood and loved. When those needs aren't met, a child has to make sense of it somehow.

I learned to tell myself stories:

I'm alone.
No one cares.
It's not safe.
I'm not enough.
I don't matter.

Those stories weren't created by a bad child. They were created by a child trying to survive. Over time, they became part of the identity I carried into adulthood. These mistaken beliefs became my ego, or what I now understand as the false self.

Recognizing the ego changed the way I saw myself. Instead of blaming my inner child for the beliefs I had carried for so long, I felt compassion for her. And that opened the door to forgiveness.

Forgiving the belief

My deepest work wasn't about forgiving the people who had hurt me.

It was about forgiving myself for believing that I didn't matter.

The very though of forgiving myself for something I had always accepted as my inner truth, had me quaking with fear. Releasing this old belief was the hardest thing I’ve ever done - the ego doesn't surrender easily. It had spent a lifetime protecting me, even when the protection had become destructive.

But, I had reached a point where I had nothing left to lose, so I took a stand. I faced my ego and declared:

“You're wrong. I don't believe you anymore.”

And then something changed.

Not because I had convinced myself to think positively.

Not because I had talked myself out of my pain.

But because I was finally willing to surrender the belief that had defined me for decades.

To my utter astonishment - spectacularly - my ego died. And, all that was left was my higher Self and a remarkable sense of inner peace.

The child who had believed she was unworthy had never been unworthy at all. She had simply believed a story that had helped her to survive.

There was no one to blame.

Not her. Not me. Not even the people I had spent years resenting.

Forgiveness rose from this understanding, from a newly opened heart, and from Love.

And with forgiveness came space for acceptance, compassion, and a remembrance of who I truly am.

But, how did I do it?

Here are the keys to freedom… 

• First - in whatever way works best for you (meditation, inner focus, visualization) - connect with your ego and mentally affirm: “You’re wrong. I’m not listening to you anymore.”  And mean it. Right down to your toes, with every cell in your body.

• Then connect with Love.  Imagine a tiny light within your heart and visualize the light bearer - your inner child. Set the intention to defend this beautiful soul of love and light as if your life depends upon it (because it does).

• If you find yourself weeping or notice that your body is beginning to shake with resistance, you are doing it right. The ego will not go down without a fight.

• Supported by Love, empathy, and inner wisdom, understand that the mistaken belief was not your inner child’s fault. It was not your fault. There is no one to blame.  The mistaken belief is a catalyst for change and remembrance.

• Vow with your whole heart and soul to protect the light. With as much power and sincerity as you can muster, speak a verbal affirmation, forgiving all aspects of yourself for the mistaken belief. For example, “I forgive myself for believing that I do not matter.” Repeat the affirmation aloud until you sense a shift - until you feel your body and mind discard the old and accept the new: that you do, in fact, matter. That Love matters.

Bolstered by belief, empathy, acceptance, courage, and honesty, you reconnect with your higher Self and remember your soul…while your ego crumbles into dust. 

Difficult?  Yes. 

Impossible?  No.  

With love and encouragement,

D 🩵