Forgiveness and the Inner Child

“What makes us unable to forgive, is how much our mind is tormented by hurt, anger and resentment. Even if what’s causing our pain happened years, or even decades ago, that emotion still feels fresh, because it is locked into the mind. Meditation helps loosen up that locked state, so the mind is less attached to emotions, which enables us to be less controlled by our thoughts.” (Gelong Thubten)

This quote was so important to my understanding of forgiveness that I included it in Lightworker under the section, Meditation and Forgiveness. (page 239) The fact that I didn’t (and still don’t) have a daily meditation practice, didn’t stop me from shifting consciousness. The key to my shift was realizing that true forgiveness comes not just from an unlocked mind, but from an opened heart.

Before we get started…a quick definition and reference point, courtesy of Christina Lopes: The Inner Child is a sub-personality of the unconscious mind, full of joy and wonder, but with four basic needs:  to be loved, to feel safe, to be seen and understood, and to have a sense of belonging.

Until my shift, the concept of forgiveness was something I didn’t understand.  Forgiving those who betrayed me seemed like weakness. Give power to those who hurt me?  Never!  But now that I’m on the other side, I can see things from two perspectives. The human understanding (3D) of resentment ties in with the cliche, “It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Forgiveness does not mean that you will tolerate unacceptable behaviour. You can make it clear that you will not be treated badly by others, but at the same time, you can show that you have heard their point of view and that you care. Forgiveness is not for them - it is for you.  Stop drinking the poison.   From a spiritual perspective (5D), forgiveness goes much, much deeper.  Forgiving myself for believing that I didn’t matter, allowed me to break away from my ego and reconnect with my Self and my soul. But, how had I managed this inner release without any knowledge of spirituality, and without a meditation practice?  

Moments before the big breakthrough, I had been deep in thought…focusing my attention on hurtful relationships and circumstances in my life as I considered different points of view, while becoming more honest about my weaknesses. I admitted that my memories of certain events would have changed over time. I was able to be objective, not only about my suffering but about the suffering of everyone else in my life, who (I previously believed) had caused me pain. As I pondered my mother’s role in my life, I speculated that one of her reasons for being was to parent me without empathy. Had she been conscious of her treatment of me, this would have been an impossible role to play, so it was fortunate that she had no notion of how her indifference was hurting me.  Perhaps her soul’s intention was to sacrifice a part of herself so that I could wake up. This way of thinking made forgiveness unnecessary.  Everything had happened perfectly.

Difficult as it is to believe, our souls choose to incarnate on this planet to play specific roles and help each other learn lessons necessary for the evolution of personal and collective consciousness.  Some of us even choose situations where our four basic needs will not be met.  Born into abuse, neglect, poverty, suppression, degradation, tyranny, injustice, and fear, we expose our soul to the harsh lessons required for accelerated growth and soul expansion.  If a person can helicopter up out of human suffering to see individual and collective adversity (including inherited and generational trauma) from the position of soul choice, then it is somewhat easier to accept the ‘everything happens for a reason’ perspective.  

In order to more fully understand how forgiveness facilitates deep and lasting personal transformation (aka shifting consciousness, individuation, self-actualization, etc.), one needs to go back to the beginning.  Back to conception…separation from Source Energy, and back to birth…physical separation from mother. We incarnate onto this planet as beautiful souls of love and light.  But we also arrive in a state of separation from the truth of who we are. We are thrown into a series of karmic lessons (both dark and light) which are meant to develop spiritual muscle and remind us who we are.  Loving relationships anchor us to Source Energy, while neglectful or abusive relationships shine a light on whatever is (or has been) blocking ascension of consciousness.  From a human perspective, the dark lessons seem cruel.  Betrayal, particularly by those who are supposed to love us unconditionally, causes confusion, pain, fear, and shame. As children, these feelings lead us to believe that we are deficient in some way - a logical and natural reaction that forces us to adapt in order to survive. We tell ourselves stories in order to make sense of a world where none of our basic needs are being met: Everyone is hurting me, I’m alone, It’s not safe, No one cares, the world is a dangerous place…trust no one. With enough repetition, these stories create a new identity - the ego - aka, the false self. Much like the shell of a crab, the ego functions as a protective barrier that allows us to survive in a harsh environment, but it also creates even more separation from Source.  It’s easy to see how, over time, one would develop a victim mindset, quick to blame, and full of fear and resentment.

Understanding the origins of victim mindset makes it easier to forgive yourself for creating a recurring cycle of unhealthy thoughts and behaviours. In order to break the cycle, it is necessary to pinpoint the belief that is blocking you from your authentic Self.  What is your most destructive core belief?

I am not enough

I am stupid, or lazy, or powerless

I am alone

Life is pointless

Love doesn’t matter

I do not matter*

*In my mind, my most destructive core belief and my ego were one and the same - a monster that was threatening my life.  I wanted nothing more than to blast that bully to smithereens. Judging by the aftermath of my shift in consciousness, this might not have been the safest approach, but it was all I knew at the time.  And it worked.

If you are willing to not only face your ego, but turn your back on it permanently, you are ready to step into self-forgiveness. This is not an easy process as the ego is built for survival. Forgiveness is not surface-level lip service forced through the mind. Forgiveness must come from the heart. So, the intention to change your mind and forgive yourself must come from a place of such deep authenticity that it brings you to your knees. If you are fighting the darkness of generational wounds and inherited trauma - the belief that you are completely worthless and alone - then the emotional magnitude needed to change that belief must be stronger than the ego, and the only thing stronger than the ego is Love. 

Here are the keys to freedom… 

In whatever way works best for you (meditation, inner focus, visualization), connect first with your ego and mentally affirm, “You’re wrong. I’m not listening to you anymore.”  Mean it. Right down to your toes…with every cell in your body. Then, connect with Love.  Imagine a tiny light within your heart and visualize the light bearer - your inner child. Set the intention to defend this beautiful soul of love and light as if your life depends upon it (which it does). If you find yourself weeping or notice that your body is beginning to shake with resistance, you are doing it right. The ego will not go down without a fight. Supported by Love, empathy, and inner wisdom, understand that the mistaken belief was not your inner child’s fault. It was not your fault. There is no one to blame at all. The mistaken belief was a catalyst for change and remembrance. Vow with your whole heart and soul to protect the light. With as much power as you can muster, speak a verbal affirmation, forgiving all aspects of yourself for the mistaken belief. Repeat the affirmation aloud until you sense a shift…until you feel like your body and mind have discarded the old and accepted the new - that you do, in fact, matter. That Love matters. Blinded by the light of belief, empathy, acceptance, courage, and honesty, the ego will crumble, and you will remember your soul.  You are a living embodiment of Source Energy - Divine Love. 

Difficult?  Yes.  Impossible…no.  

🙂 🩵 🌎 🕊️ 🕯️

One final thought on the 3D misunderstanding of forgiveness:

I observed a short interaction between two people who were working through conflict.  The man said, “I forgive myself for cheating.”  I didn’t even need to see his partner’s reaction to know that this man was missing the concept.  Forgiving himself for the action, doesn’t change the belief that created the thoughts that led to the action - which pretty much guarantees that the action will recur.  His statement mirrors centuries of looping ‘sins’, confessions, absolution, and repeated sins.  Until you forgive yourself for the belief that drives the action, nothing will ever change.  

As a reminder, here are Mahatma Gandhi’s thoughts on the importance of beliefs:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts

Your thoughts become your words

Your words become your actions

Your actions become your habits

Your habits become your values

Your values become your destiny”

With love and encouragement,

D